2014 has had its fair share of dross. Here is a list of our bottom five. Some will be of no surprise, but there are a few here that others may have in their ‘best of’ lists. Let us know if you agree or disagree with us and remember, disagreement is a good thing. It’s more fun.

5. Dracula Untold

 

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With prequels, sequels and ‘reimaginings’ so prevalent in today’s filmmaking culture, it is of little surprise that Dracula’s origin story was deemed worthy of a closer look. But rookie director, Gary Shore, is clearly out of his depth in this big budget horror fantasy mess. The choice to humanise Dracula by making him a vampire out of love for his country, means that he becomes far less scary. If you want to continue enjoying previous Dracula adaptations, such as Christopher Lee’s, then avoid this like the plague.

 

Full review – http://www.dioramamagazine.co.uk/p/dracula-untold/

 

4. Under the Skin

 

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Many, many critics have included this in their ‘best of’ lists, but I still think it’s impenetrable, artsy tripe. There are so many scenes of Scarlett Johansson just driving around Glasgow and all shots last a minute longer than they should. Of course, Jonathan Glazer probably intended for this to have some kind of deeper meaning, but it’s just bloated nonsense to me. The mainstream audience member will not enjoy this, and it’s the sort of arty filmmaking that turns its nose up at the average viewer.

 

Full review – http://www.dioramamagazine.co.uk/p/under-the-skin/

 

3. The Hundred-Year-Old-Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared

 

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Everything about this from the title to the soundtrack to the hammy acting to the lame attempts at satire makes this a terrible attempt at quirky filmmaking. It is obviously trying to be like Wes Anderson and Jean-Pierre Jeunet but it lacks that necessary ingredient of charm. The satire includes stuff like the hundred-year-old man telling Stalin that Franco dances like a girl, when he is then sent off to a gulag, where he meets Albert Einstein’s idiot brother Herbert. Dreadful.

 

Full review – http://www.dioramamagazine.co.uk/p/the-hundred-year-old-man-who-climbed-out-the-window-and-disappeared/

 

2. Pompeii

 

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Paul W. S. Anderson must be used to appearing in these lists by now, but Pompeii is particularly bad. A clichéd and unconvincing romance is sewn between a slave and a nobleman’s daughter, which takes place as the clouds fill with ash and earthquakes hit. What could happen next? To be fair, Pompeii really makes you realise how impressive Titanic is in comparison. There is nothing else good about it. In fact, it’s so bad that it makes me wish Pompeii had never been discovered in the first place. Fantastic archaeological findings are not worth the price of this film’s existence.

 

Full review – http://www.dioramamagazine.co.uk/p/pompeii/

 

1. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five armies

 

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Yes, yes we know. This wasn’t actually the worst film of 2014. Awarding this as the worst film of the year is done for the same reasons Time Magazine awarded Adolf Hitler their ‘Man of the Year’ crown in 1938. It is to give attention to what has been a disgraceful episode in cinema. The Hobbit was split into three films for no other reason than to make more money. There can be no artistic validation for such a choice. None. Because all three films were substandard. I’m not denying that many will have enjoyed them, but can they honestly argue that it wouldn’t have been better as one three-hour film? Adding two more has earned them roughly another $2 billion and with tax being quite low on American film studios, most of this money will go into rich people’s pockets. This isn’t going to start a new wave of smaller films being made by big studios. It will just lead to more of the same. It is stealing money from Tolkien fans and cinemagoers like you and me. If a government had done similar, there would be mass protests. So why should we accept it from a film studio?

 

Full review – http://www.dioramamagazine.co.uk/p/the-hobbit-the-battle-of-the-five-armies/

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